February is my favourite month because it’s my birthday month. Last year I did not celebrate my birthday because I was turning 30 and freaking out about it. This year is different, I am looking forward to it, no need fighting the inevitable and to be honest I have a lot to be thankful for. I started this year well, I feel more grounded, less flustered and even when I am unsure it is not fretful or restless. This can be as a result of many things but the main thing is that I am happier. I listen to myself and take my own counsel, I listen to my heart closely and I live by this quote from my favourite person “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Maya Angelou.
Sometimes, we make excuses for peoples behaviour because we build relationships based on mutual understanding, respect, love and friendship. That person becomes a part of us in a way, we let them in when we would cloak ourselves to the rest of the world, we trust them, completely. Any indiscretion on their part can be devastating, so we try and tie up the broken bond, patch it up, put a plaster on it, knowing fully well that the hull of the ship has a big gaping hole and it’s just a matter of time before it sinks.
This is hard to admit and even harder to let go of, so we hold on, for all the wrong reasons. Instead of confronting the situation and working to rebuild the damage done, we keep silent or pretend it never really happened. All because we are scared that we may lose them, even though holding on in this toxic situation means we will lose them and in the process lose ourselves too, which is much worse. I have thought of all the friends I have made along the way, some lost either through distance or action, some still around but not so close in spirit, and some unlikely new bonds. In my younger days (yes I am allowed to use that phrase now) I will worry about ‘fixing’ what I deemed as broken in my life, however, as I have been lucky to experience it, it takes two people to break any kind of relationship, so needs two people to fix it. And I am only one piece of the puzzle.
“Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend – or a meaningful day.” Dalai Lama
Life is a gift, it should not be travelled alone, or spent pondering on regrets on what we could have had or done, it should be filled with precious memories, and it should be enjoyed with what we do have, now. We should live the life we want to live if we can, and be grateful for every single second.
Happy Valentines xoxo