storm

Today is one of those afternoons that I have nada to do. Zilch, zero, nattin. So am here, thinking out loud.  As you all know the devil likes idleness, especially an idle mind. I had a fleeting thought which went like so

Are you happy?

I had to think long and hard. Actually my hesitation brought on another thought, why are you not happy which means am unhappy right?

 I haven’t been particularly over the moon lately but am not unhappy either.  I feel ok, just ok. That feeling of “settling” is beginning to become familiar. I don’t particularly care much about much.  Now this is a double ended sword because I find the things I use to find annoying are not so annoying because let’s face it, sometimes we stress about very petty insignificant matters.  It also means the things that I use to find thrilling have lost their pazaaz.

It is a kind of purgatory and nothing feels too bad to despair about, which is what  would normally have propelled me to want to change my situation.

 Not this time.

So for now, I am here in this holding pen until this cloud turns into thunderous rain. Oh yes, I know this is the calm before the storm, I just have no idea what the winds will blow my way.

Unsettling.

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