You have to start with yourself, your needs, your wishes, your problems, your likes and your desires. You have to be absolutely certain of who you are before you can even delve into the depths of hoping someone else can know you beyond your wildest dream. To be with that person who can finish your sentences and read your moods. This is not as clear cut and concise as one might think, if you ask a million people the question do you know who you are they will unequivocally say to you that yes, of course. Ask them what they really want and they will probably roll out a huge scroll, now ask them to describe who they are? I am not talking about labels like i am mother to mary, sister to john or granddad to abdou, they should tell you who they are with no afflictions to their jobs, position in life, or ties to family. I bet you a lot of people might have to take a rain check on that. A lot of the time we are certain of what we want until we attain in and realise what little effect it has. Let’s take me as an example, i always say this. I hope i find a man who is tall and handsome and rich and modest and kind, and compassionate and tolerant ……the list is endless. I mean if such a man does exist and i very much doubt that he does because i realise i am asking for mr perfect he is probably still in the evolutionary process being moulded by the hand of God.
I decided to concentrate on me and see what it is that i have to offer this perfect being that i think will make a great partner for the rest of my days. With the help of some dim lights and a comfortable bed i decided to sift through the layers and layers of wall i protect myself with during the day. I do most of my most intimate thinking in bed, i suppose during the day i can hide from myself but at night there is nowhere to run to. So last night after dreaming up the perfect man with his perfect woman (supposedly me) i painted a merry picture. However upon close inspection her perfection was flawed, her makeup was too right, her clothes too perfect, her hair too straight, her lips too pursed. The saddest thing was that her eyes looked empty and lonely, as if she was not even there.
At work this morning i am mulling over this disturbing image, so even if i have the perfect man i will be unhappy? Am i some socio-path that likes the darkness of sorrow? Is this normal? I had to take a moment to think, i had to clarify to myself what this image meant. I said a little prayer, i am not the most religious person you will meet but my faith in God is unshakable, he has a profound influence in what i do and how i do them and there is no doubt in my mind that he directs my path and is always there for me. I took a moment out and i asked him for clarity and to take away my anxiety, the devil is a liar that much i know.
After a full day of trying as hard as i could not to dwell on the negativity of what i had seen in my mind as me, i began to calm down a little. This was me conjuring things in my head but it was also a wakeup call. What this image signified was how i portrayed myself to the opposite sex. I confess that i sometimes take people at face value. A well dressed man, an eloquent man, a man who commands respects, a good looking man immediately gets my attention. I see the physical without the character and fall for that. In return i give the same image back. I will glam up to the nines on a first date, i will make sure everything about me is as perfect as i can muster because i believe that is what is expected, we must be the best, wear the best shoes and the latest trends to make an impact. This image is unsustainable, sometimes a girl wants to strip her makeup, fling those heels off and jump in to comfortable clothing, go all au-naturelle . No gimmicks
Am not saying i am going all ghetto but i’ll like the next person who i am with to see my imperfections and be cool with them and the same for me. I would like to spend a whole Sunday in bed just being silly and not taking a bath! Lol. I have never done that. Imagine that.
After a long day of thinking about who i am, my lesson is that perfection is not attainable through mans will, yes we must be the best we can but perfection is only possible through God’s will. What a lesson. So take stock of your attributes and be glad in them. You were made in God’s image that is what perfection is. Happy Easter.